Conspiracy Theories: Why is Vokoun REALLY Starting?

This week, two major events shocked the city of Pittsburgh: the Penguins decided to bench their highly-paid starting goalie, Marc-Andre Fleury, in favor of backup Tomas Vokoun, and the film Jack Reacher (2012) was released on Blu-ray and DVD.  What a coincidence that these two seemingly-unrelated things would happen so close to one another.

Or is it?

Let's look at the facts: Jack Reacher is set, and was shot entirely, in Pittsburgh, and stars Tom Cruise.  Tonight's Game 5 between the Penguins and Islanders will also take place in Pittsburgh, and will star Tomas Vokoun.  TOM Cruise?  TOMas Vokoun?  Come on.

Digging a little deeper, we find that Tom Cruise's birthday is July 3.  Tomas Vokoun's birthday?  July 2.  Oh, and what's that famous Tom Cruise film?  Born on the Fourth of July.  Is this sinking in?

Tom Cruise has long been associated with the Church of Scientology, a recently-created religion based in Florida that boasts hundreds of thousands of followers, but which remains veiled in mystery to the general public.  Vokoun was long associated with the Panthers, a recently-created hockey team based in Florida that boasts tens of dozens of followers, but which remains veiled in mystery to the general public.

Of course, Vokoun is from the Czech Republic, and Tom Cruise is as American as apple pie pizza, so it looks like my theory falls apart.  UNTIL you realize that the first Mission Impossible film, which Cruise produced and starred in, used Prague, the capital of the Czech Republic as a location - and whose idea was it?  Just guess.  According to the New York Times:

Mr. Cruise, whose movie is the first big Hollywood production to come here...wanted to to use Prague as contemporary Prague, an idea he thought would appeal to the Czechs, too. His fancy was caught by the Lichtenstein Palace, a newly renovated froth of curlicues and ornaments with a phalanx of elegant windows. 

Suuuuure - the Lichtenstein Palace caught Tom's fancy, not a 6-foot goaltending prospect who had just been drafted to the NHL a year prior.

According to the same article, Cruise was furious when Czech bureaucrats tried to gauge the production unit by jacking up location costs at the last minute.  Rumor has it he vowed never to return after that experience.  So imagine my surprise when the fourth installment of the Mission Impossible franchise, Ghost Protocol, featured scenes shot in none other than Prague.  What an amazing change of heart!  It's almost like Cruise had a reason to go back to the Czech Republic.  Maybe to confer with a certain netminder?

Could the Mission Impossible films be a front for the covert machinations of a Tom Cruise-NHL partnerships?  No, I'm sure they keeping making them because the public just keeps clamoring for a new Mission Impossible film. 

But back to Jack Reacher (out now on Blu-ray and DVD).   Here's the plot description, courtesy IMDb:

In an innocent heartland city, five are shot dead by an expert sniper. The police quickly identify and arrest the culprit, and build a slam-dunk case. But the accused man claims he's innocent and says "Get Jack Reacher." Reacher himself sees the news report and turns up in the city. The defense is immensely relieved, but Reacher has come to bury the guy. Shocked at the accused's request, Reacher sets out to confirm for himself the absolute certainty of the man's guilt, but comes up with more than he bargained for. 

Hmmm..."five are shot dead by an expert sniper."  That one's pretty easy: the expert sniper is John Tavares, who scored the game-winning goal for the Islanders (the team's fifth) on Tuesday - his shot basically leaving the Pens for dead.  The police (Pens fans and media) quickly identfy a culprit (Fleury), but Jack Reacher (Vokoun, natch) is called in to right the situation.  But not only that, he came to "bury the guy" - that's right, Vokoun is "gunning" (action movie term) for Fleury's job!  You couldn't script it any better - unless, of course, someone did script it.

According to the description, Reacher gets "more than he bargained for."  I haven't personally seen the film, so I can't guess what that entails.  But for Vokoun, couldn't more than he bargained for mean a contract extension?  That would probably only happened if he somehow usurped Fleury's role in net and led the Penguins to a deep playoff run.  I know what you're saying: that's the kind of thing that only happens in a Hollywood movie.  My point EXACTLY.

Jack Reacher's budget was estimated around $60 million dollars - right around the Pittsburgh Penguins' payroll this year.  The film grossed over $216 million worldwide.  Seems like a lot of money, but for Cruise, it was something of a bomb, one of his lowest grossing films of the last decade.  Four months after Jack Reacher's disappointing opening weekend - just enough time not to raise any eyebrows - the Penguins traded for Vokoun.  A good way for a movie to boost its receipts is to launch a successful home video campaign.  A good way to do that is to have a tie-in with another story that catches the public's interest.  And a good way to do that is to orchestrate a complicated goaltender controversy on one of the NHL's most visible teams, pretty much guaranteeing a successful crossover into that most coveted of demographics in Hollywood: American hockey fans.  "But Old Top," you whine, "to pull off something so convoluted and nefarious you'd need to have unlimited resources!"  Oh, like the kind of resources available to the world's highest paid movie star, who also happens to have the support of a religion estimated to have become a multi-billion dollar industry?  THOSE kinds of resources?

When Tomas Vokoun joined the Penguins, he switched his number from 29 to 92.  He claimed it was because Fleury had already claimed 29, and he decided to reverse the number.  What he didn't mention is that 1992 is his favorite Tom Cruise movie, A Few Good Men, came out in theaters.  You can call me a conspiracy theorist all you want, but maybe it's YOU who CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

I'm buying the Jack Reacher DVD today, and synching it up with Mike Lange's call for Game 5, just to see what kind of hidden messages I can find.  And to you, the American public, I recommend that, after watching Vokoun's inspiratoinal performance in net tonight, you go out and buy Jack Reacher on Blu-Ray or DVD.

Like you even have a choice.